爱

也許我根本不知道你的想法，
也難以迎合你。
也許我們原本就性格不合。
分開，我也不可以怪誰。
這不是你的錯，也不是我的錯。

也許你愛隱藏自己，我偏愛表達自己。
我想無時無刻也照顧你，守護你，
才會不斷付出我自己，
你不喜歡，卻沒有說出口。
我也不知道，或者我怕自己被人取代，一直盡最大的努力付出自己。
卻被負上迫得太緊的罪名。

若愛一個人，自然會想對她好，無時無刻也想找她，
也許你從沒有想過這個問題。

縱使我有多想把我的感受告訴你，一切亦無用，我也不需說出口。

若一個人若早已被判死刑，無論他做甚麼，解釋甚麼，也是無濟於事。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAEsN5N83zM&feature=share

我

在爱情里：

一个女生会好好地爱对方， 但却没有好好地爱自己和疼惜自己，

她们可以为对方牺牲一切，也希望对方能感受的到她们的心意，但得到的是她们想要的吗？

一些女生能如愿以偿地得到她们想要的幸福温馨的爱情和家庭；一些则相反。。。。。

一个男生会不会就像女生那样好好地爱对方，而没有好好地爱自己呢？

也许这种男生需要慢慢地去寻找。

虽然，我曾经拥有过一段只维持三年的爱情。

虽然，我跟我的弟妹们一直都相处得很好。

以为自己了解我所认识的男生。。。。

但是，我并不了解男生， 也不了解他的思想和他的心。。。。

感觉他只是了解我的物质上，但似乎并不了解我的心灵和我的思想。

大家都在这方面缺乏沟通；虽然我一直努力，但依然达不到共同的意识。

这是一个多么好笑的冷笑话。

爱人是一件辛苦的事；被爱是一件幸福的事。

这么简单的一句话，我却需要经历了才明白到它的含义。

一时，我在想我真的有很多“不能”做的事吗？

也许对他而言吧！

不希望自己在跟他谈话时，他没回音，只在思考自己的事情。（感觉就像一个人在跟空气说话。）

不希望只是自己在约他出街，也希望他能从百忙中抽出时间来约我。但是，就算他没约我，我也在抱着希望和期待着。（那种感觉很复杂，感觉自己很自私，也感觉自己等那个约会，等得很辛苦。）

他能了解我的心情吗？

也许他并没期待过，也没曾从期待中感到失望吧。。。。。。（那种感觉真的令人很失望也很难受。）

不希望他 被一些东西吸引着时，整个人就变呆了， 就算我在那怎样叫他，他也毫无反应，顿时感觉到自己在他心里不重要。（就像电影那样，男主角深深地被女主角吸引着的那个神情。）虽然这是短短的几分钟，但那已经可以令我觉得有点不高兴了。

相反地，我也用回同样的方式来对待他，但他却没有事情。

从这件事的角度看来，我跟他是不同思想和脾气的人。

不希望他迟到。（而我却在期待他的来临。）

不希望他用不好的语气。（不想感觉被他骂。）

不希望他令我感到难堪或不好受无论在别人面前或是跟他在一起的时候。（就是不好受。）

不希望他不守信用。（感觉他不可靠。）

不希望他令我失望。（因为对他有期望和期待。）

不希望他伤害我。（因为那会疏远我们的距离。）

不希望他自作主张，毫无商量。（似乎自己的想法都不重要。）

不希望他不跟我分享。（这样大家的话题就会慢慢地减少了，我不知道他所经历的事情，也不了解他的思想。大家也不能从中达到共同的意识。）

不希望他是个不文雅的人。。。( 这是基本的条件。）

不希望他在我闹脾气时，他只在说他的道理或者不理我。 （ 却希望他是把我的心情平息下来，过后才来慢慢地劝我或解释。）

对男生而言， 这些都很难吗？

Today's Thinking 22/8/2011

waiting bus at the bus stop alone in the raining day with my own umbrella.....
thought he may come out from his house with the umbrella that i saw in the second floor....
BUT he is not ...
i should knew that and don't put hope on what i wish he will do for me...
a guy that will only keep on give excuses.....can't even go through hard time.....just thinking of his own good...
but it's good for him also, because he just recover.....sometime people are selfish...but i cant accept that the guy will selfish in the relationship also for sometimes...
at that time, i want something from him BUT he didn't know my thinking...
he didn't know i hope something from him...
what i do at last is just forget the thing i wish he will do for me, forget my feeling......
forget it and cool down~

before i went out from his house, he say now is raining....
but do i need to wait until the rain is stop...?
it's just an excuse for him...
even there is raining heavily, i still have to face it and go back to my house by bus....
but he told me that his house do not have more umbrella during i went out from his house...
i told him that i saw the umbrella in the second floor...
but he told me that he didn't notice it...
and he still want go to the bus stop with me by using my own umbrella but go back his home without umbrella....
i refuse him to do so cause i do not want him to fall sick again...and i can't responsible for that....
BUT why don't he just ask me to wait for him and go back to his house to take the umbrella that i saw in the second floor quickly?

Different thinking between us is proved.
he didn't know i hope he will go back to his house to get the big umbrella...
he makes me feel that he have no heart to do the thing....not tough....

sometimes, i do not know ..
is his eyes not enough big?
OR
he is careless person?

why he sit there also didn't notice the big umbrella?

my feeling

i hurt him?
is that a MUST?
i knew i should be tough so that he will forget me and also this relationship that he have before...
i knew i hurt him when i went out from his house...
i say something that is just make him feel unhappy...

if couple goes through everything together, it's a treasure for them, it's a memory for them....
by the way, they also grow up together,
BUT the most important thing is they need to know what they want from each other to know the thinking...to catch the heart...tolerate each other and also appreciate the thing they have.
but not just leave the girl at there, just let her think something that will make her unhappy or feel sad.
OR just leave her there and do what you like to do without discuss with her or tell her.....

if couple start relationship after they have went through the hard time, i think the girl is the most happy person in that relationship as the guy went through the hard time that will make the guy grow up.
BUT if they have different thinking, they will not happy also even together.

at first, he told me not to trust that my first boyfriend is not my life partner.
then, i just forget it...

BUT sometimes it makes sense for me to trust that...
my parents have always remind me not to with him anymore, it's for my own good.....
because he is the only lovely son for his family and i can't responsible for him....

that sentence make me think that if i have knew someone and have start relationship with someone that have other brothers in his family, his parents like me so much and someone love me so much....
this is just a dream for my love story..
i know this kind of relationship will not happen on me...

IF this kind of relationship really happen,

will i forget my first boyfriend?
will i feel happy at that time?
will i appreciate this relationship?

At last,
WILL i have this chance to have this kind of relationship in the future?

birthday....

today, i sit alone in home.....
as usual...

in the morning,
i saw SMS from friends and also check the miss call.
a miss call from him...
the first call i got in the morning, i didn't notice the number...

i thought he call me...
but, it's not...
it's a call from laptop company..

i should wake up completely....!!!!!!!!
thinking that he will come to my house but no people come at last....

what am i thinking...?

i should make it a habit...
celebrate birthday without him....

hope we can be tough n focus on studies....
if we still contact each other frequently like didnt break up, i dun't think there is fate.
if there is the fate, we will meet again in somewhere ( hope he will understand this) .