FB 3

决定
在挣扎着， 是否该在一起？
他，并不是我想要的 对象（我知道了）
了解 他的性格， 并不代表我可以和他合得来。。。
有一句话： 因了解而分开。

FB 3

Today is my 2nd day to do the lab work.
Lisa looks so hardworking to do her FYP there.
Jz say "hi" and chat for few sentences.

I start to not close with her anymore.
But I don't know why..
I wish to chat with her...

BUT she is not kind at all.......

+ u

FB 2

最近， sarawak 这时常下起雨来。
lab 刚开始已经觉得很多东西都要忙了。
上课时间做lab, 宿舍时间是休息， 做功课， 宿舍活动， 但却没时间温习。

刚才，得知一个朋友的朋友面对着感情问题。
虽然， 已过了四年， 但那个男生已经变心了。
问世间情何是物？

男生； 女生； 缘分； 爱情； 心； 家人； 支持； 祝福。

FB 1

那些年，小学，国中和高中都有着美好的回忆。自己的座位， 自己的书本， 一斑要好的朋友， 家里的归宿感。 现在呢？别人说大学的生活是最美好的。但，我却不认为。大学也不就是忙功课，烦恼宿舍， 房间的“朋友”就是电脑，离家远远的。一离家就得等六个月， 才能回家。 在大学的安全， 其实也并没有保障， 使我们女生非常地担心。那又能怎样，书也得继续念。

曾经出席过师训学院的concert, 看到他们的照片，就羡慕他们了。 原来，他们在那的生涯就像在国中时期的我们，毫无压力。现在的我，对我所选的科系，就在大学的第二年时，并不抱着任何希望， 从我决定这一个行业不适合我的时候，也许是那个时候吧，感觉在大学里就是瞎目地在忙，为的就是顺利毕业，拿取那张文凭。 感觉生活就这样白白地浪费，天天在做功课，得空时，就在上网，看戏，参与别的活动等。真的觉得毫无方向， 真讨厌这样的感觉。

昨晚，junior 问我， 我的梦想是什么？
我的答案是轻轻松松的工作， 只要那份工作是会令我做得开心自在，薪水可以支撑我的生活需求， 那就够了。
还有就是，出国游玩，给家人家用， 还清PTPTN 。

对他而言， 我的梦想也许很小很小。
我并没有像她那样地有野心，想要赚多点钱， 爬上高职位， 还想做第二份工作。
我却说我宁可做一份工作，而星期六和日，我会去做运动， 逛街，或是在家好好地休息。
这样的生活会很乏味吗？

但，我想在那时的我并不需要再担心我的学业了。
从五岁起，就一直读书到现在的我，已经22岁了，离开读书的生涯就只剩下那区区的七个月~
这是该值得高心的事吗？

最近，常跟爸爸谈电话，说大学发生的事，朋友的事，朋友变得自私了。 能谈心的朋友也减少了。
心里也会觉得不好受。
爸爸说， 不要一直给压力自己， 早点睡觉。 读书只剩下几个月，就得跟我的大学说再见了。考不考到也没关系， 就当着到大学去认识新朋友， 学习真正生活上的人和事。
听到这句话，让我觉得如果我考不到，真的很对不起我的家人。 不懂为什么现在的我，完全并没有心向学，想要离开读书的生涯。 只是去做下一步的功课，做完了，就去做下一份的功课， 完全没有那份冲刺的精神。

离开了读书生涯， 就是工作的生涯了。
这也意味着我的人生就快踏进了人生的另一段。

心情

今早，有点匆忙，
会做功课了，有点高兴，
但，却有点担忧和不高兴。

担忧的是在大学的假期怎么过？
不高兴的是为什么有人每次都说到但却做不到？

那人到底会不会觉得很抱歉？
是否我的前世就像那人一样？
现在，该轮到我去体会了？

haiz....

good night , everyone

single room for one week...

today is my first time to stay single room...
during midterm sem break....
cham...:(

but fortunately, still gt a small radio accompany me here...
hehe

i should get my mood back....
STUDY mood

4 midterm paper is waiting for me...@.@

+ u...KHONG

this weekend

i didn't hear any sound in the house...i hope to go away from there...
i can't concentrate....

my friend have settle the college problem...
but, i'm still need to wait...what to do?

wait for time

天天背着沉重的书包， 好累啊……
电脑，水瓶等等。。。。
天天都几乎需要六点多就爬起来…..
投降了……
背跟腿都好酸。。。。
何苦呢？

晚上，
想要做功课， 但却就是有心无力。
我好累，眼睛就快闭上来了。。。

但，却不想把电脑给关上。
好辛苦。。。。。

也许是很久没熬夜的关系吧。。。

原来

命中注定， 第一次的爱情不能开花结果。。。。
能相信吗？

李圣杰-位置
就反映出我的心声。

原来，从一开始，他觉得他都在迁就我

原来就是这样的。

not like that

he say out at last...
but in my worse condition...

i cant think of how i feel at that time....
if he think that's good, then just go ahead...
not like me...
i still will think of others,i knew what my friend told me is right..
"no need to think of others people feeling..."

maybe for him, it's right for him also
"settle own thing first, then just help others to settle things..."
it's right but not for every condition...

rent room

this is the second time ...
i stay in the outside rent room...
but i think this rent room is worse than the first rent room in Kepong there...
yesterday is my first day to stay at there...
cn't sleep well...
sleep on 1.16am but wake up at 3.48am...
OMG...i jz sleep 2 hours and 32 minutes....
how can i stay there for next few months...if everyday like that...

the room is so hot ....
while waiting the time to wash my clothes...
im thinking how to sleep well in everyday for next few months...

open the curtain or how? i don't know what to do...
can't get other ways....

make me miss my hostel now...
even now, i want go to toilet during night also not dare enough..
worry some guys will come out from their room suddenly...

whats my plan for every weekend?
no friends here...
all friends are separate now.....
some in hostel, some in home, some are like me stay in rent room or rent house..

now the time is 6.48am
some housemate is went to toilet including me...
i can't TAHAN...
so hot here
..

lastly, i open my door (3/4)
i felt cold now
cold wind blow into my room
sweat + wind = easily get sick...
of course, i worry got guy come into my room when he saw the door is open..
i wish to have some thing in my room so that i can protect myself if something happen...
i think some kind like spray is better..

i wish i can get the nice hostel successfully at last....
time to wash my clothes now....
end 7.03am

mind

his mom is stay in hospital now again.... in Fatimah hospital... how is she now? what happen to her? when she first sent into hospital, he ask me want to visit her or not... at that moment, I WONDERING... maybe u think i'm not good.. i don't know i need to visit her or not? i don't know she still not like me or not? ( even he told me his mom didn't care of his relationship now but i still feel not good towards his mom.) i knew that his mom don't like me based on my feeling... plus i'm not his someone anymore... i think not going is the wise decision... better take time in home and finish my things...

爱

也許我根本不知道你的想法，
也難以迎合你。
也許我們原本就性格不合。
分開，我也不可以怪誰。
這不是你的錯，也不是我的錯。

也許你愛隱藏自己，我偏愛表達自己。
我想無時無刻也照顧你，守護你，
才會不斷付出我自己，
你不喜歡，卻沒有說出口。
我也不知道，或者我怕自己被人取代，一直盡最大的努力付出自己。
卻被負上迫得太緊的罪名。

若愛一個人，自然會想對她好，無時無刻也想找她，
也許你從沒有想過這個問題。

縱使我有多想把我的感受告訴你，一切亦無用，我也不需說出口。

若一個人若早已被判死刑，無論他做甚麼，解釋甚麼，也是無濟於事。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAEsN5N83zM&feature=share

我

在爱情里：

一个女生会好好地爱对方， 但却没有好好地爱自己和疼惜自己，

她们可以为对方牺牲一切，也希望对方能感受的到她们的心意，但得到的是她们想要的吗？

一些女生能如愿以偿地得到她们想要的幸福温馨的爱情和家庭；一些则相反。。。。。

一个男生会不会就像女生那样好好地爱对方，而没有好好地爱自己呢？

也许这种男生需要慢慢地去寻找。

虽然，我曾经拥有过一段只维持三年的爱情。

虽然，我跟我的弟妹们一直都相处得很好。

以为自己了解我所认识的男生。。。。

但是，我并不了解男生， 也不了解他的思想和他的心。。。。

感觉他只是了解我的物质上，但似乎并不了解我的心灵和我的思想。

大家都在这方面缺乏沟通；虽然我一直努力，但依然达不到共同的意识。

这是一个多么好笑的冷笑话。

爱人是一件辛苦的事；被爱是一件幸福的事。

这么简单的一句话，我却需要经历了才明白到它的含义。

一时，我在想我真的有很多“不能”做的事吗？

也许对他而言吧！

不希望自己在跟他谈话时，他没回音，只在思考自己的事情。（感觉就像一个人在跟空气说话。）

不希望只是自己在约他出街，也希望他能从百忙中抽出时间来约我。但是，就算他没约我，我也在抱着希望和期待着。（那种感觉很复杂，感觉自己很自私，也感觉自己等那个约会，等得很辛苦。）

他能了解我的心情吗？

也许他并没期待过，也没曾从期待中感到失望吧。。。。。。（那种感觉真的令人很失望也很难受。）

不希望他 被一些东西吸引着时，整个人就变呆了， 就算我在那怎样叫他，他也毫无反应，顿时感觉到自己在他心里不重要。（就像电影那样，男主角深深地被女主角吸引着的那个神情。）虽然这是短短的几分钟，但那已经可以令我觉得有点不高兴了。

相反地，我也用回同样的方式来对待他，但他却没有事情。

从这件事的角度看来，我跟他是不同思想和脾气的人。

不希望他迟到。（而我却在期待他的来临。）

不希望他用不好的语气。（不想感觉被他骂。）

不希望他令我感到难堪或不好受无论在别人面前或是跟他在一起的时候。（就是不好受。）

不希望他不守信用。（感觉他不可靠。）

不希望他令我失望。（因为对他有期望和期待。）

不希望他伤害我。（因为那会疏远我们的距离。）

不希望他自作主张，毫无商量。（似乎自己的想法都不重要。）

不希望他不跟我分享。（这样大家的话题就会慢慢地减少了，我不知道他所经历的事情，也不了解他的思想。大家也不能从中达到共同的意识。）

不希望他是个不文雅的人。。。( 这是基本的条件。）

不希望他在我闹脾气时，他只在说他的道理或者不理我。 （ 却希望他是把我的心情平息下来，过后才来慢慢地劝我或解释。）

对男生而言， 这些都很难吗？

Today's Thinking 22/8/2011

waiting bus at the bus stop alone in the raining day with my own umbrella.....
thought he may come out from his house with the umbrella that i saw in the second floor....
BUT he is not ...
i should knew that and don't put hope on what i wish he will do for me...
a guy that will only keep on give excuses.....can't even go through hard time.....just thinking of his own good...
but it's good for him also, because he just recover.....sometime people are selfish...but i cant accept that the guy will selfish in the relationship also for sometimes...
at that time, i want something from him BUT he didn't know my thinking...
he didn't know i hope something from him...
what i do at last is just forget the thing i wish he will do for me, forget my feeling......
forget it and cool down~

before i went out from his house, he say now is raining....
but do i need to wait until the rain is stop...?
it's just an excuse for him...
even there is raining heavily, i still have to face it and go back to my house by bus....
but he told me that his house do not have more umbrella during i went out from his house...
i told him that i saw the umbrella in the second floor...
but he told me that he didn't notice it...
and he still want go to the bus stop with me by using my own umbrella but go back his home without umbrella....
i refuse him to do so cause i do not want him to fall sick again...and i can't responsible for that....
BUT why don't he just ask me to wait for him and go back to his house to take the umbrella that i saw in the second floor quickly?

Different thinking between us is proved.
he didn't know i hope he will go back to his house to get the big umbrella...
he makes me feel that he have no heart to do the thing....not tough....

sometimes, i do not know ..
is his eyes not enough big?
OR
he is careless person?

why he sit there also didn't notice the big umbrella?

my feeling

i hurt him?
is that a MUST?
i knew i should be tough so that he will forget me and also this relationship that he have before...
i knew i hurt him when i went out from his house...
i say something that is just make him feel unhappy...

if couple goes through everything together, it's a treasure for them, it's a memory for them....
by the way, they also grow up together,
BUT the most important thing is they need to know what they want from each other to know the thinking...to catch the heart...tolerate each other and also appreciate the thing they have.
but not just leave the girl at there, just let her think something that will make her unhappy or feel sad.
OR just leave her there and do what you like to do without discuss with her or tell her.....

if couple start relationship after they have went through the hard time, i think the girl is the most happy person in that relationship as the guy went through the hard time that will make the guy grow up.
BUT if they have different thinking, they will not happy also even together.

at first, he told me not to trust that my first boyfriend is not my life partner.
then, i just forget it...

BUT sometimes it makes sense for me to trust that...
my parents have always remind me not to with him anymore, it's for my own good.....
because he is the only lovely son for his family and i can't responsible for him....

that sentence make me think that if i have knew someone and have start relationship with someone that have other brothers in his family, his parents like me so much and someone love me so much....
this is just a dream for my love story..
i know this kind of relationship will not happen on me...

IF this kind of relationship really happen,

will i forget my first boyfriend?
will i feel happy at that time?
will i appreciate this relationship?

At last,
WILL i have this chance to have this kind of relationship in the future?

birthday....

today, i sit alone in home.....
as usual...

in the morning,
i saw SMS from friends and also check the miss call.
a miss call from him...
the first call i got in the morning, i didn't notice the number...

i thought he call me...
but, it's not...
it's a call from laptop company..

i should wake up completely....!!!!!!!!
thinking that he will come to my house but no people come at last....

what am i thinking...?

i should make it a habit...
celebrate birthday without him....

hope we can be tough n focus on studies....
if we still contact each other frequently like didnt break up, i dun't think there is fate.
if there is the fate, we will meet again in somewhere ( hope he will understand this) .

love

why the love that i have, it's complicated...
sometime happy, but sometime is hurt...
but the hurt that i have go through is the double of the happy thing that i have go through.
i want a mature boyfriend,but he is in the learning process...
chances have been given many times.
again, again and again...

am i just need to give up all the things?
keep on give him chances?

i have think for this question long time ago.

if i have one machine that can bring me go to the future, then i have nothing to worry about.

CAIS

no picture~
jz like a ball~

hv to kick it

my name of my blogspot occurs in the sky

i saw rainbow.....on 19/4/11 around 4pm....
it looks so beautiful.....
i felt so relax...

hate that person

y he can cheat me?
how come?
ask him so many times, but he still able to cheat me...
useless....

is this person not suitable to me?
cheat me because of simple reason...
he know i don't like people cheat me....
but why?
i felt so suffering..
i'm not a mother guard to him....
i don't hope i always need to check on him...
i need trust.....

i have no more feelings in that matter.

i know i should pretend like nothing happen so that no one will find it out.

i should and must start work hard on my FYP after exam.

i hope i can.

study week

he" told me that he is my friend forever.
maybe after this, i may have the same feeling like u...
i don't know it's a bad or good news...
i say sorry to "him" but it's no use.
maybe it's a good news as i didn't make my parents and friends disappointed with me.
they use a lot of time to encourage me when i felt unhappy and upset.
now, i have no more guilty feeling in my heart to them.sometimes, when i quarrel with "him", i felt disappointed that "he" hurt me again. and i felt like want to let all these go away from me.
and now, this is really go away from me...
and it's also consider as a bad news as from "his" sentence, i know that, in "his" mind, that girl "he" got a good feeling towards to last time is a mature girl. not like me..maybe that girl is more suitable to "him".everything is better than me..and for sure, his parents wouldn't against them..this make me felt so "zhi bei"..i have nothing to compare with that girl for sure..
she is so good in joining different types of activities.....because i found a lot of photo that she took in FB there.
but me, it's not..
i have same feeling like u, felt "zhi bei", he is clever..he is more hardworking than me...he has a lot of general knowledge than me..

do not want

i felt sad as it is just temporary~

i'm waiting for the miracle to oocur

i'm tired now because i have been waiting for too long

hope it will be forever~

do not know what to do when i face this again~

never think of how I felt~

make me felt not happy~ never think of my feeling

always make me misunderstand~ never think of how will i think about that~

always make me felt disappointed~did not try to work hard to complete the thing that have promise me ~

how can these happen to me~i did not did all these too~

why?

I'm always asking myself " WHY"?

is it because all my fault?

27/3/11

i felt dissapointed.. i found the life target in the future is not the same... is tat we will live happily if we will together in the future ? since things happen in May 2010.....i start to worry everything everything has been change....im not proud that he choose me... but i felt im not good enough in everything i dunt know y im too worry... im scare of losing him.....bcoz i dunt have any good things in some skills if compare v him.... he know many things ... i felt tat im not the same level v him.... sometimes, he didnt care my feeling... sometimes, he didnt take care of me.. sometimes, these make me felt that im a single n alone.... not happy as last time when v him... felt stress n worry when v him..... everything come out in my mind when v him.... evverything become not good now........

INDUSTRI TRAINING

Until nw, i still haven't gt the LI yet.

started to worry....

many things happend..

26/1/2011

nt happy~
is it bcoz i cut my hair short?
is it bcoz i eat more than girl?
is it bcoz i can take heavy thing?
tat's y u take me as boy?

曾经告诉过你： 我不喜欢别人拿我来开玩笑。不喜欢自己变成笑话的主题。但是，你却还是那样。东西拿慢了，就说我慢吞吞。

听了，很生气，心里在想，那以后他会怎样说我呢？当他知道我不高兴了，他就说只是开个玩笑而已。心里又在想：是真的吗？还是只是一个借口罢了？为什么我会说是借口， 因为他给太多借口给我了。。。。
我已经经历很多次这样的状况了。。。。一些简单的事情， 他都要给我兜个大圈子，给我不同的解释，我很气，很伤心。
在想为什么他不能直接告诉我真正的理由吗？为什么？
难道他认为我不会去想吗？ 我不会分析吗？
难道他以为我只会瞎目地接受吗？在他心里，我就难么的笨吗？
而他给我的理由是怕我生气。。。。。
难道他不认为这样会令我更伤心和生气吗 ？
那么多次 的经验， 他还不会从中吸取教训吗？
我是爱他， 我在乎他。但，我并不至于会变成那样的地步。
我在乎， 发自内心的在乎。。。。一时侯，我觉得他把我当成男生那样。很多时候，我都觉得自己好像跟他调换角色了。他不懂得怎样跟我分享， 他不懂得细心和体贴。他只懂得计算。。。。。

正所谓：真的假不了，假的真不了。曾经告诉他，他所对我讲的一切， 我已经不会再分辨了。摸不着他的心，不了解他的想法和思想。不懂是不是他的家人常开玩笑， 而他也一样？没有经过大脑， 就拿别人来开玩笑。过后才向人说对不起。
这样还有用吗？

从拿来开玩笑的那一刻， 就已经伤了别人的心。
还说我做人太过认真。如果我拿他的妈妈来开玩笑或者是他的其中一个家庭成员来开玩笑。。。。。他也许会说我为什么不尊重他们。。。。。就算要开玩笑， 也要有个界限。
为什么他总是听不懂我的解释？为什么总是犯同样的错？为什么总是拿我在乎的东西来开玩笑？难道他不懂如何尊重别人吗？

我在乎他的表情， 我在乎他怎样看待我， 我在乎他对我所有的一切。我是不是在乎太多了？我是不是太爱他了? 那不是我所要的爱情。

他说我有公主的个性，说我自私， 好胜。。。。。
自私~ 从一开始， 他就没资格那样说我。在这段感情里，一直让我哭。。。。
好胜~ 我知道， 但是你就是开口都是人生道理。。。。。你从来不会看状况来让我。几乎每一次，都只是会空口说白话， 让我失望。

心淡了。。。。。

4th of JAN

change a hairstyle again~
this time sure will make my frnds surprise~
HAHA

Stella is correct~ someone know you well, but it is not~
today i felt unhappy...
thinking back that even frnd will not do that to me..
that person is nt my frnd but can consider as best frnd...
but that person....from NOW on, cnt b my best frnd
i hope i dunt know this person~jz bring unhappy feeling to me~